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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2015 7:35 am 
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Rack of Lamb
Rack of Lamb

Joined: Wed Dec 26, 2012 5:35 pm
Posts: 66
Just something odd that I'm putting out there for Christmas, since I posted it on PPMB several years ago...


Scarlett the Fairy's Twelve Days of Christmas


On the first day of Christmas, Scarlett the Fairy gave to me:

A Bucket of Fairy Fried Chicken...ew.



On the second day of Christmas, Scarlett the Fairy gave to me:

2 Cynical Best Friends

Hey, they’re both kinda cute.

And...a Bucket of Fairy Fried Chicken...ew.

I’ve had enough chicken, thank you.



On the third day of Christmas, Scarlett the Fairy gave to me:

3 Orders of Pommes Frites

Ahh, these taste good.

2 Cynical Best Friends

Heh, yeah, I guess that was funny.

And...a Bucket of Fairy Fried Chicken...ew.

No more. I can only eat so much chicken.



On the fourth day of Christmas, Scarlett the Fairy gave to me:

4 Singing Fashion "Birds"

Hey, they’re kinda cute, too. Wow, pretty girls all around.

3 Orders of Pommes Frites

O.K., I’ve had enough fries.

2 Cynical Best Friends

O.K., that was a mean thing to say. Yeah, it was.

And...a Bucket of Fairy Fried Chicken...ew.

No more chicken. I’m serious.


On the fifth day of Christmas, Scarlett the Fairy gave to me:

5 Solid Gold Dimes

O.K., this is kinda neat. Something I can really use.

4 Singing Fashion "Birds"

No, I don’t have individual copies of Waif for you.

3 Orders of Pommes Frites

Whoo. I think I’m burned out on French Fries now.

2 Cynical Best Friends

Do something new. Pretend to be mimes. Then I won’t have to hear your smart alec comments, O.K.?

And...a Bucket of Fairy Fried Chicken...ew.

What part of ‘no more chicken’ DON’T you understand?


On the sixth day of Christmas, Scarlett the Fairy gave to me:

6 DVDs of Kevin Thompson being Tasered

Now, this is funny. I like watching that doofus do the electric boogie.

5 Solid Gold Dimes

Ah, the money is raking in now.

4 Singing Fashion "Birds"

No, I don’t have any fruit flavored water. I have diet Ultra Cola, though. And no, I don’t have any champagne, either. You’re too young for that, anyway.

3 Orders of Pommes Frites

Does anyone want these? I seriously cannot eat them.

2 Cynical Best Friends

You care to repeat that little snide comment, girls?

And...a Bucket of Fairy Fried Chicken...ew.

I wonder how well this stuff will keep in the freezer?



On the seventh day of Christmas, Scarlett the Fairy gave to me:

7 Bacon Explosions

Oh, man, these things are delicious.

6 DVDs of Kevin Thompson being Tasered

O.K., I’ve seen enough of this.

5 Solid Gold Dimes

I still like this one - a lot!

4 Singing Fashion "Birds"

O.K., which one of you threw out my flannel shirts? Speak up!

3 Orders of Pommes Frites

I freaking hate potatoes now.

2 Cynical Best Friends

Don’t you call me that, girls. I’m serious.

And...a Bucket of Fairy Fried Chicken...ew.

Now, I want to go back in time and make chickens extinct.



On the eighth day of Christmas, Scarlett the Fairy gave to me:

8 Double-Thick Chocolate Mint Milkshakes

Yummy! And it hides the aftertaste of chicken and fries.

7 Bacon Explosions

I’ve had enough. My arteries can’t take much more of this.

6 DVDs of Kevin Thompson being Tasered

O.K., this is getting as bad as America’s (Not-So) Funniest Home Videos.

5 Solid Gold Dimes

Still no problem with this.

4 Singing Fashion "Birds"

Hey! That was a gift. I don’t care if it wasn’t fashionable!

3 Orders of Pommes Frites

I know. I’m being tortured, right?

2 Cynical Best Friends

Oh, yeah? At least I’ve got a good job! See how far you go with that attitude!

And...a Bucket of Fairy Fried Chicken...ew.

I’m seeing flying whole fried chickens when I close my eyes now.



On the ninth day of Christmas, Scarlett the Fairy gave to me:

9 Geese-a-Layin’

Don’t ask. She wouldn’t tell me why when I asked her.

8 Double-Thick Chocolate Mint Milkshakes

I’ve got an ice cream headache now.

7 Bacon Explosions

Well, it looks like my work lunch is settled for the next several months.

6 DVDs of Kevin Thompson being Tasered

Why couldn’t it be a video of Brittany Taylor instead? At least I could sell those.

5 Solid Gold Dimes

O.K., my pocket is now weighed down.

4 Singing Fashion "Birds"

No, I will not get waxed. That’s painful!

3 Orders of Pommes Frites

If I never see another French Fry as long as I live, it’ll be too soon.

2 Cynical Best Friends

Bite me, girls! You heard me, dammit!

And...a Bucket of Fairy Fried Chicken...ew.

Oh, man, now I’m gonna have nightmares about that Ghost Chickens in the Sky song.



On the tenth day of Christmas, Scarlett the Fairy gave to me:

10 Pepperoni Pizzas

Good, a change of taste.

9 Geese-a-Layin’

I wonder how geese eggs taste when boiled or scrambled?

8 Double-Thick Chocolate Mint Milkshakes

, I’m foundered on chocolate...and mint...and milk.

7 Bacon Explosions

I never thought that I’d say I never want another piece of bacon ever again.

6 DVDs of Kevin Thompson being Tasered

AHHH! NO MORE! IT’S STUPID!

5 Solid Gold Dimes

What do you mean I’m in a different tax bracket now?

4 Singing Fashion "Birds"

Wow, and I thought that I was shallow.

3 Orders of Pommes Frites

When I close my eyes, I see crawling French Fries.

2 Cynical Best Friends

Keep it up. I’m about at my limit with you two.

And...a Bucket of Fairy Fried Chicken...ew.

I now understand the meaning of cruel and unusual punishment.



On the eleventh day of Christmas, Scarlett the Fairy gave to me:

11 Glitterberries

Hey, these taste really good!

10 Pepperoni Pizzas

Why are the pepperoni marching on the pizzas?

9 Geese-a-Layin’

Wow, now the geese are talking to me, too.

8 Double-Thick Chocolate Mint Milkshakes

Hey, the milkshakes are now chocolate volcanos. Cool!

7 Bacon Explosions

Oh, no! The bacon’s exploding! Call 911! But what’s the number for 911?

6 DVDs of Kevin Thompson being Tasered

I can dance like that, too!

5 Solid Gold Dimes

Wow, now FDR is singing about being a little teapot, short and stout.

4 Singing Fashion "Birds"

Ha! Even their wings coordinate with their clothes.

3 Orders of Pommes Frites

Let’s build a French Fry house. I’ve got enough here.

2 Cynical Best Friends

What do you mean, I’m swacked! No, I’m not! I’m a Protestant!

And...a Bucket of Fairy Fried Chicken...ew.

All the chicken is talking to me now. But why are they speaking in Pig Latin?



On the twelfth day of Christmas, Scarlett the Fairy gave to me:

12 Strawberry Cheesecake Muffins

I think I’ll have a bake sale.

11 Glitterberries

Relax. My spirit creature says everything will be back to norbal soon.

10 Pepperoni Pizzas

My arteries are screaming by now. Even the neighbors can hear them.

9 Geese-a-Layin’

Do you realize how much geese crap there is in my place now?

8 Double-Thick Chocolate Mint Milkshakes

You know, after about ten of these things, they start tasting like Gaviscon.

7 Bacon Explosions

My freezer is full now. Seriously. So’s my fridge.

6 DVDs of Kevin Thompson being Tasered

Come to my next rummage sale, and I’ll sell these at five for a dollar.

5 Solid Gold Dimes

The Treasury Department wants to know where I got these, by the way.

4 Singing Fashion "Birds"

Where the heck are those four? And where are my credit cards?

3 Orders of Pommes Frites

The only difference between Pommes Frites and French Fries is about five bucks an order.

2 Cynical Best Friends

They say one more thing, I’m gonna punch them out. I mean it!

And...a Bucket of Fairy Fried Chicken...ew.

I’ve just been told that Chickenvania has declared war on me.



--END


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